Monday, July 8, 2013

this wasn't supposed to happen

It's business as usual for early July, which means the weather is too hot, work's quieting down, and we are constantly broke. The stress of the latter is really beating me down...except for the couple of months after the holiday jewelry sales, it's always a squeeze. And the constant anxiety has been making my life generally unhappy. And I suppose it's been hard to reconcile myself to such reduced circumstances...maybe that's why I always feel so frustrated. And less-than. I think I'm going to cry if one more person asks what I'm doing for summer vacation. (Answer: I'm spending a long weekend in the Poconos, because my aunt can afford to send me a bus ticket; and I'm spending a long weekend in Bucks Country, because I can afford the $30 train ticket.)

I'm bummed out that I haven't been able to afford to stock up on materials to make a lot more goods for the crafts fair in November...once my recent trigger finger surgery permits such things, And it's hard to know what kind of effort I need to make in order to sell more. Would an Etsy store be worth the fuss? I'm pretty sure going to jewelry stores to try to consign my work would not be worth the fuss and could lead to more aggravation. The last place where I consigned my jewelry was the typical consignment experience: the store owner marked my work up way too much, making it unsellable; then she stopped returning phone calls; then it was like pulling teeth to get my goods back. I've never made enough on consignment sales to justify all the hassle.

As weird as it seems to me, Barry can start collecting social security in January; apparently he makes little enough to do it. I suppose we might as well d it now, since who knows how much longer there'll even be social security, and it'll add another $1,400 to our monthly income.

But it just feels sad and pathetic overall. I'm so tired of "no, we can't go out to dinner/a concert/go on vacation," can't shop for clothes or shoes, can't see a movie in a theater, and don't have a dime put aside. This wasn't supposed to happen.

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