anniversaries

Tomorrow is my one-year anniversary at this job, which is a happy-making thing. But I also realize that this week (the 13th, I believe) is a big, round-number anniversary of my loss of virginity. I was WAY young and the anniversary is a pretty big number. What say I don't tell my age or the number, and instead talk about sex in days of yore...

In the early 1960s, the birth control pill came on the market (and it was simply known as The Pill). From that time, until people became aware of AIDS (that it was sexually transmitted and not limited to gay men), there was a twenty-year period where people had more, and more, and more casual sex. And in the late 60s and into the 70s, it became OK and not very well-hidden. In the 70s, there was a phenomenon called "singles bars," where you basically went to find people to take home and have sex with. Some people preferred to think of it as a dating scene, but it was really just for finding sex partners - a straight equivalent of the gay bar.

At the singles bars, women generally wore slinky synthetic dresses and no bra; guys had big hair and mustaches and wore some really loud suits. It was basically a disco atmosphere.

But sexual freedom was all over - not just in the singles bars but in high school and (as in the 60s), among the hippies. (Keep this in mind when I mention "hippies": a lot of what people associated with the 60s actually happened in the 70s.) In certain sets, sex was like shaking hands. There was outside sex when people were in relationships, secretly or within "open" relationships; sometimes there were multiple relationships going on at once, or multiple casual sex partners.

The worst things that could happen were these: getting gonorrhea or syphilis (each requiring a shot of antibiotics), or getting pregnant. HPV wasn't around, herpes wasn't around, AIDS wasn't around. If you picked a partner who wasn't insane or murderous, it was pretty safe.

So, you know I racked up some pretty impressive numbers. I started young and had sex with a lot, a lot of men. (Even the occasional woman.) Although there are some liaisons I probably should have skipped, I don't regret the way I conducted my sex life. Certainly I can't say that I missed out on anything (well, I never did have sex with an Asian guy, but that's about it).

This time in my life is very, very different. I'm married, but my married life lacks the physical component and pretty much always has. This is why I often voice an interest in coloring outside the lines, so to speak. On the one hand, it's a more complicated matter, for many reasons; on the other, I'm not ready to call it quits just yet. I will entertain all proposals from Asian men...although I'm having warm feelings of late for someone who is not Asian. Perhaps you remember my recent blathering about trying to listen to someone while trying to make an impression. I think I've gotten a mite better at it. However, I have to wonder if a youngish guy is simply enjoying my company and nothing else. I'm way cute to guys 60 and up, at least the ones who don't think they deserve 22-year-old trophy girlfriends. Old-hippie guys love me. But this younger dude seems to be paying attention, just not sure what kind. It remains to be seen.

Verizon Fios, my TV provider, just got their act together concerning the Bollywood-on-demand channel. They charge about $7 a month, and I was very disappointed by their selection, which was basically three no-name movies and half a dozen film-music videos. But all of a sudden, there are 25 good movies, recent ones and some golden oldies. On top of that, there are maybe a dozen film-music videos and a dozen making-of features. $7 was overpriced for the old content, but now it feels like a huge bargain. Last night I started watching Manzoor (1983) with Dilip Kumar and Raj Babbar, mostly because I'd never seen a Dilip Kumar movie. It is excellent so far. (Of course, the lengths of these movies often precludes watching an entire film on a typical evening.) It's nice to be able to see an Indian movie on the TV instead of the computer, even if the computer has a better and hi-def screen. (The TV is an old tube TV which will be dying any month now.)

It is a dead quiet week at work. The interns are on spring break an I'm all caught up - even my desk is tidy!

Barry's been on the job for two nights now, and it seems to be working out. It's odd for me to go to bed alone and to wake up along, although I confess that I like sleeping alone and I like having a quiet, undistracted morning. Another change is that I've started cooking dinner, which is a pretty painless way for me to start contributing more to the housework. And as nice as it is to have someone else cook, I can get meals much more to my liking when I do the cooking, and arrange to have leftovers for Barry if he wants the next day, or for me to bring to lunch. (Barry is not good about eating leftovers, I have no idea why. Maybe because he's not interested in eating more of the same the next day. I adore leftovers, especially when something came out really well.)

Food, sex, movies...life is not dull.

tuna without teasing

My husband makes fun of me when I make tuna salad.  This is because I like to take the time to really make something nice.  He's out at the Big Ed jam tonight (a blues jam session in Greenwich Village every Monday night), so I was able to make tuna minus the humorous commentary.

This is how he makes tuna salad:  can of tuna on a plate.  Blob of mayo next to it.  Some form of bread. 

This is what I put in my tuna salad tonight:  chopped apple, broken walnuts, hard-boiled egg, raisins, fresh dill, olive oil, black pepper, cumin, garlic powder.  And some mayo (we use light mayo around here).

My mother made tuna salad with chopped green pepper rather than celery.  She really didn't use celery much at all.  It was some years before I learned that celery was the default.  There was also a period when she put oregano in everything (except maybe Cream of Wheat), so for a while there was also oregano in her tuna.  (I have to admit that I put cumin in almost everything I can, and thyme comes second.)

The first unusual (non-celery/green pepper & mayo) tuna salad I ever had was in Mohegan Woodlands one summer, made by the wonderful Lila Hammer.  It had tuna, mayo, canned mandarin orange segments, and pecans.  Not only was it an excellent combination, but it taught me to think outside the box regarding tuna salad.

In the early 80s, I worked on the upper west side, and there was a sandwich joint that made tuna salad with a ton of egg in it.  It was actually a mite gloppy, but it tasted wonderful.  Years later, I would get lunch from one of those salad bars, and would take tuna salad and egg salad and mix them.

The cats, of course, don't care how the hell you make your tuna salad, as long as you put down the mostly empty can for them to lick.

Confession:  I love that old-school tuna and mushroom soup casserole.  My mother used to make it, just tuna, cream of mushroom (Campbells, not diluted), and cooked broad noodles, into a dish and into the oven.  It's super-comfort food to me.  I very rarely make it, but when I do, I eat it with a lot of black pepper.  (I eat a lot of things with a lot of black pepper.)

Mac n' cheese (many opinions on this one).  My mother made it with Velveeta.  Sometimes she put in little chunks of kosher salami (we almost always had those little Hebrew Nationals around), which is amazingly good.  Elbow macaroni.  I like to use a pasta that holds melted cheese a little better, usually rotini.  I have used many, many different kinds of cheese, alone and in combination.  My favorite is probably cheddar and jack, with a little grated parm/romano on top.  Eaten with a great deal of black pepper.

I am also making some soup for tomorrow night, since Barry is having tooth and jaw problems and favors soft foods of late.  I'm cooking butternut squash and some carrots in chicken broth, and will then puree the whole thing and add some tofu.  (Have I mentioned, or mentioned lately, how much I love my immersion blender?)  There's cumin in it, just a little.  And I'll probably add my black pepper at the table.  Next project will be a pureed bean soup.

not a bad day

I had lunch with Lily in the Village today, first time I've seen her in a bit. She was a little insane with an internship this summer. She is just burning her way through a really smart education plan. She wants to be a librarian with a specialty in museums, so she just took her M.S.L.S. (Master's of Science in Library Science -- a lot of schools just call it an M.L.S., but I guess Pratt likes the long way). In August, she's starting an M.A. in Art History at Hunter. Smart, smart, smart. Smart plan and smart woman. I'm not saying she doesn't sweat her way through it -- she certainly does, and gets stressed out, and all that. I've never asked her about grades, though I'm sure they're excellent. I admire her unwavering focus. Even in the toughest times, I doubt she ever considered changing course. And I've worked with her, and have rarely seen that kind of work ethic. Everyone likes her. When I was temping at Penguin in another department, she was probably the friendliest person I encountered, even though we had no work connection at all. (Coincidentally, in my third stint as a temp at Penguin, she was my supervisor.) I'm really lucky, because it's often hard to make new close friends after 40 or 45 or whatever, but I've made two wonderful friends in the past ten years (Jannah's the other).

We ate at a place called Otarian, which I'd read about in a food blog.  It's a vegetarian place (Lily's veg), and kind of leads with its conscious effort to leave a low carbon footprint and then tell everyone about it, over and over.  I like that it's locavore, for non-carbon-footprint reasons.  There have been some complaints that the food isn't too good or that the prices are too high.  It's about the most upscale, sparkling clean, friendly fast-food place you'll ever see.  It makes Chipotle look like McDonalds...oh, wait, Chipotle is McDonald's...  anyway, I had a vegetable biryani and a creme brulee (no egg in the creme, though), and they were just fine, and with a bottle of water (perhaps too big a carbon footprint), it ran me around fifteen bucks, no tip required.  I liked the fact that the portions were not enormous, because you could get two (even three) things without getting stuffed.  Lily had a portabello burger and a tomato/mozzarella/avocado salad.  The biryani tasted good and was mildly spicy.  I'm getting adventurous about hot spices lately.  The creme brulee was actually bruleed, but the non-custard custard was a little weird, maybe because I *always* have brulee and custard.  (Forget that I should be eating none of this.)

Here's the healthier part:  after lunch, I went to the Union Square Greenmarket.  I love that place, but it always seems like such a schlep from home, especially since I can't possibly carry everything I'd like to buy.  But if I'm going to Manhattan for something else, and it happens to be a Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Saturday, I'll bring a tote bag or two.  Let's see if I can remember everything I bought (only one tote bag today):  many heirloom tomatoes.  pea sprouts.  cucumbers the size of almonds (their cuteness compelled me).  watermelons the size of grapefruits.  a bag of teeny plums.  a couple of not-too-hot hot peppers.  three heads of garlic.  and, yay, Beth's Farm Kitchen was there with their jams and chutneys!  I'd forgotten that they always have open jars of many of the products, popsicle sticks in each, and little its of bread to try them on.  I bought a jar of Zapricot Chutney (mainly apricots, with chipotle), and Cranberry Horseradish (Beth ought to get a Nobel Prize for that one).

I had taken out ground meat for dinner tonight, which is something we call "Sloppy Spoots."  Please don't make me tell you "Spoot" signifies, but Sloppy Spoots began as a personalized version of Sloppy Joes.  Barry made them with ground meat and salsa, or maybe ketchup, or maybe both, and usually ate it on a roll.  (Around here, "ground meat" can be turkey, beef, veal or pork, but mostly turkey, followed by veal; ground lamb would also be in rotation if I could ever find it anywhere.  Jannah once made burgers that were half-beef and half-lamb, and I nearly swooned.  I'm a bit of a lamb slut.  And don't get me started on lobster.)  Anyway, on my watch, Sloppy Spoots were eaten with rice instead of on a roll, and of course seasoned with a little more effort than opening a can of salsa (though I admit, not bad if it's good salsa, and I have a jar-of-salsa chicken dish, so I shouldn't point fingers). 

So this is what I did tonight:  half beef, half turkey.  Softened onions, shallots, garlic, bell pepper, and hot pepper in vegetable oil (all Greenmarket stuff).  Boiled some red potatoes (non Greenmarket, alas), drained and diced them.  Added the meat to the vegetables, added recaito (Latin-American seasoning paste, mostly cilantro), basil (opal basil from the Greenmarket that I dried myself), salt and pepper, and cooked until the meat had lost most of its color, then added the potatoes and cooked a bit more.  Then I decided it needed a can of tomato sauce, so I put that in.  Since I put in the potatoes no other starch was needed.  Barry ate it with ketchup; I ate it with both chutneys.  It was good.  I guess it's something of a homemade Hamburger Helper.  It's a relatively plain dish but you can do a lot with it.

My jar of salsa chicken recipe:  brown four boneless skinless chicken breasts in a skillet.  Add a jar of salsa.  Cover and simmer for about twenty minutes.  Eat with rice.  This is a nice way to make boneless skinless chicken breasts that are not dry.

There was a job nibble the other day...but then I was told that the hiring was on hold, and I'd be recontacted if anything changed.  So I'm just plowing on.  I still get a fair number of scams in response to ads I answer on Craigslist; I've pretty much figured out the signs of scam-fishing in the ads, but I don't catch all of them.  But when the scams come, I always know just what they are.  If I have the time, I usually like to screw with the person a little.

I got a really bizarre one today, purportedly from a woman who signed herself as working at something like JobSearch.com (that's not the exact name).  She said the job I had applied for had been filled, but I was invited to look for more jobs on -- and here there were two links I was supposed to click.  I moused over them, and the domain names sounded like job search sites (though none was JobSearch.com), but they were also not home pages of these sites.  The web addresses were something like administrative job dot com blackslash name backslash +78 backslash -- and so on.  I also punched up JobSearch.com, and that looked like an employment site of some sort, but it actually said nothing.  One page of it had a kind of boilerplate "how to have a successful resume" thing, but nowhere did it have anything like a list of clients, places to click "for employers" or "for job seekers," certainly no list of openings or application or services.  There was a contact e-mail, which was info at Jobsearch.com, and a phone number and street address in Hicksville, New York.  (No reason for an employment agency in Hicksville.)  It also seemed weird that the e-mail didn't have a link to the "JobSearch" site.  Also that it came from the "HR Director" of JobSearch.

ALSO...there was a file attached called something like "Jennifer_Resume_something," which I did not open.  For one thing, that's not the name of my resume file, and for another, why would an employment counselor be sending me my own resume?

Last point:  the woman's e-mail had two "P.S."es.  One said something like, "I see it is 77 degrees in New York.  It is 77 degrees here in our offices in Hicksville, New York.  Nice weather."  The other one said, "What do Hulk Hogan, someone else, and someone else have in common?  Today is their birthday!"  WTF, right?

So I did write back and screwed with her/him/it a bit.  Said that I'd like to know what company she represents, since the websites she asked me to click on were not JobSearch.com websites.  Asked why she had sent me my own resume.  Asked her about the JobSearch.com website, and what kind of employers they represent, and what kind of jobs they specialize in.  And then I said that I thought her P.S.es were extremely inappropriate, that I've never seen anything like that from an employment agency, especially at first contact; I actually wrote, "Is that how you would want me to behave at an interview?"

I'm not sure what the scam is there -- a virusy or scam website when you click, a virus or trojan in the attachment, or both. 

I'm also not sure why I'm not using the actual name of the alleged job site; on the off-chance that it's not as insanely illegitimate and fraudful (new word) as it seems, I don't want to buy myself the headache it could be if anyone actually read this blog.

Yesterday, I researched all of the CUNY and private colleges in New York, went to their websites,  looked at all the jobs, and applied to the ones that seemed possibilities.  This was a useful piece of research, since I'd really only been looking at NYU and occasionally at CUNY (though the administrative employees there probably had to be dragged out feet-first, since I imagine it to be something of a civil service-type paradise).  I'm not bothering with Columbia, firstly because it's easily the most competitive of all of the city's private universities (most offer free tuition, but only one offers free tuition at Columbia); the other reason is that the commute is just too ridiculous from south Brooklyn.  But I've now dropped a few applications at places like Julliard and The New School.  Considering that so much of my work experience was at universities (mainly NYU, plus a short stint at Fordham-Lincoln Center, and a long-term temp job at Columbia), I could possibly be an attractive candidate for a university job.  Let's hope.

Oh -- three more TV shows that I forgot because they're out of season.  30 Rock.  Easily the best network sitcom since Seinfeld.  Brilliant cast.  Big Love.  An hour-long drama on HBO about a Morman-fundamentalist family that practices polygamy.  Sounds awful but it's great, wonderful acting.  Also, Fringe, which is kind of X-File-ish, but benefits from some superb acting, including a wonderful Australian actor named John Noble, who plays a somewhat eccentric professor; Lance Reddick (taller and skinnier than I generally like my men, but still extremely hot); Blair Brown (always Molly Dodd to me); and the occasionally appearance by the *real* Mr. Spock.  (That whore Shatner will take any job, but Nimoy is discerning and clearly picks and chooses his roles with care.  Just kidding about calling Shatner a whore.  Which he is.)  there's a fourth show, The Human Target, which is actually a pretty stupid-ass show, but I watch it solely for Jackie Earle Haley.  In case I haven't mentioned it, Barry refers to him as Jackie Pearl Bailey.  I had an ex-boyfriend who had silly names for everything, way more than Barry.  Annoyingly so.  Barry's not that bad. 

Hey. I just figured out how to put pictures and stuff on here!  Apparently the New Post button defaults to the HTML view, and I've just discovered the much more attractive Compose view, where you can do things like post pictures.  Now I have to decide if I really want to do that.

brunch blues

I slept late today, spent some time on the computer, sent Barry off to a job interview (fingers crossed!), and then turned my attention to brunch. I knew exactly what I wanted: poached eggs on an English muffin, topped with spicy mayo. I haven't had this in years, but used to eat it a lot, initially with curry mayo, but later with other types of seasoned mayo. So I took out the English muffin, and went into the fridge. No eggs. I dug around, since the fridge is crowded these days, but no eggs. There were four left the other day. Even though I do most of the grocery shopping here, certain people are not good about telling me when something essential has run out. The same person is also known for leaving the containers from food, toiletry, bags-and-wraps, etc. empty, so when I go for a baggie or some mustard or whatever, the box or bag or bottle is there, with nothing in it.

So I decide it will have to be tuna salad (I knew we had a lot of tuna since I'd bought ten cans -- five for six bucks -- at the supermarket last week). I usually like to mash a hard-boiled egg into my tuna salad, but I could live without it today. So I empty the tuna out of the can (and give the can to the cats, who love to lick out the last bits), go to the fridge for the mayo...and guess what? No mayo. I move everything in the fridge, because I bought like a quart of mayo on that same supermarket trip. Could he have really emptied it with the 3 or 4 cans of tuna he's had since then?

There was a little bit of sour cream left (I had bought it to go with cold jarred borscht, yum), so I figured I'd give that a try. I like to put a lot of stuff in my tuna salad, so I mixed in a thinly sliced shallot, some sliced black olives, a squirt of Grey Poupon, a little ground chipotle pepper, and the tablespoon or so of sour cream that remained. Ate it on an English muffin, and it was wonderful. (I'd never made tuna salad with sour cream, but sour cream is good with anything.)

So brunch was saved, but someone's going to get an earful about the eggs and mayo... maybe not if he comes home with eggs and mayo, but I doubt he'll even remember his name after running around in 97 degree heat.

Dinner is going to be a huge green salad with poached chicken in it. Last night it was a cold pasta salad -- no canned beans this time, but a lot of fresh veg (bell pepper, raw string beans, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, fresh basil, with black pepper, key lime juice and olive oil). I don't mind using the stovetop a bit on a hot day. but the vegetable casserole I've been planning had to be pushed back again. No oven, no way.

no job yet, but good eats

I am still without a job, but still plugging away. The NYU Faculty Resources job is not yet filled, according to the website; I never got called for a second interview at the Franklin Report; and none of my references have been called for any jobs.

I did go to the first employment agency of the current job hunt, and was pleasantly surprised that they now seem to understand corporate culture. I used to tell agencies that I would do anything except banking, finance, etc., and all they would send me on were banking and finance interviews. I never got any of those jobs, and I did go to those interviews on my best behavior and in my black interview suit.

But the woman I spoke to today seemed to get it when I said I didn't want a corporate job, interviewed for some and didn't get them, temped at some and didn't like it, that I wouldn't be happy at one and they wouldn't be happy with me and it wouldn't last long. She seemed to totally get it. (In fact, when I took the typing test, the text they used was about how to understand the corporate culture of a workplace when you're interviewing.)

Sidebar: when I say "corporate culture," it means the feel of any employer: large or small, conservative or liberal, friendly or all-business, formal or casual dress. When I say I don't want a "corporate" job, I'm referring to banking, finance, hedge funds and the like, places that have a very stiff, conservative, formal corporate culture (and generally a strict dress code).

I did not wear my black suit today. I hope never to wear that black suit again. It's been my interview suit for maybe a dozen years. Today I wore Tienda Ho, but solid colors: a black top and a nut-colored skirt, nice flowy cotton/rayon stuff, and my gold Mephisto sandals. I'm sure that said a lot to the interviewer about the kind of place I'd like to work: a non-profit, something artsy or media, a small office. Ironically, I probably looked neater and tidier than I do in more formal office clothes; because of my build, skirts droop at the waist and blouses untuck, making me look fat and messy. The drapey top over the drapey skirt was more flattering and didn't lose its look, plus it was very comfortable. Mission Canyon uses a heavy rayon, and Tienda Ho uses a cotton/rayon blend that they call something like Moroccan Cotton. The two feel very similar, and the way they drape and move is just fabulous.

I did a huge supermarket shop in the past week, plus went to *two* farmer's markets (one on Cadman Plaza in downtown Brooklyn, and the big one in Union Square), so the cabinets and fridge and freezer are absolutely stuffed. I made blackberry-blueberry ice cream today.

Monday nights, Barry generally goes out to a blues jam in the Village with his friend Felix. I encourage this because he doesn't have many guy friends, and needs his guy-friend-time, plus I need some alone-at-home time. One of the best things about a night at home alone is that I can cook and eat whatever I want. I made some kale the other night, with turkey bacon and shallots and olive oil, which didn't go over too big with Barry; despite all of the flavoring, it was too bitter and too crunchy for him. So tonight, I chopped up the leftover kale (which still had quite a few shallots and bits of turkey bacon), and put it in an omelet with jack cheese, and ate it with a side of kimchi. Hoo boy, was that good! I bought the kimchi at Union Square today, and it must have been made special for "round eyes," since it was in no way as painfully hot as it was when I had it at a Korean restaurant. (Kimchi is a Korean condiment which is a fermented vegetable, usually cabbage, with a lot of hot pepper. Koreans eat it with everything, and family recipes are particularly treasured.) So the kimchi I got was made with napa cabbage, and I would have liked it even a bit spicier (I'm into hotter foods these days), but it's basically like sauerkraut with a slight peppery kick. But another lovely relish, like pickled lemons or chutney. I was hoping to score some chutney at Union Square today, but the vendor who makes it wasn't there. The Zapricot and the Cranberry Lime are amazing, and you can mail-order it. The savory jellies, like garlic, are fantastic to cook with (brush some on chicken before baking). (Just checked -- they're only at Union Square on Fridays and Saturdays).

I also bought several varieties of plums and some Jersey apricots and some donut peaches, all small, which I keep in a bowl in the kitchen and I usually eat one whenever I walk by. I always forget how much I love those teeny, juicy, sweet plums, much much better than what you find at any regular vegetable store. I bought some first-rate salad greens (red lettuce, beet greens, and another kind of kale, which I hope passes muster with you-know-who). There sure are a lot of kinds of kale. There are even a lot of kinds of basil (I bought opal). I bought a kind of summer squash called avocado squash, which is indeed green and pear-shaped, and supposedly less watery than other summer squashes. (An old college friend used to make something he simply called Veggie Dish, which was made by steaming one or more vegetables, then baking them in a casserole with worcestershire sauce and mozzarella cheese. His Veggie Dish almost always had broccoli, but since I have a non-broccoli eater living with me, I may make it tomorrow night with that avocado squash.)

I bought heirloom tomatoes (I live with a tomato maniac), and three colors of string beans -- green, yellow, and purple -- since I live with a bean lover. He loves all kinds of string beans and pod beans except that he won't touch edamame. I don't think he's tried edamame, but he won't go near it. I bought some wildflower honey from upstate the other day at Cadman Plaza, but if I'd waited until today, I could have bought NYC rooftop honey. I also bought yellow and purple bell peppers. Maybe I'm forgetting something, but that's most of it. Oh -- I bought some way expensive artisan gouda with caraway at Cadman, but it was worth every cent. (We are both in love with gouda with cumin, which you simply cannot find in the US. We had it in Aruba. Our friend Eddie, who lives there, once visited New York and brought us an entire cheese, maybe ten pounds. We love Eddie. We eventually ate the whole thing.) Barry tends to like soft, mild cheese, but I also love ripened cheeses and goat cheese.

When I had my first apartment, I cooked a lot of eggs, usually scrambled with sausage and cheese. I was 18, so I stayed amazingly thin. I don't remember much of what else I ate in that apartment, but I remember the huge pans of eggs. In my third apartment, I made enormous salads for dinner, with vast numbers of ingredients; I still have that salad bowl, which I now use to make salads for two rather than a humongous salad for one.

I should have bought cauliflower and broccoli to eat tonight. Maybe next Monday.

nature's most perfect food?

I was making falafel for dinner tonight, so Barry stopped into one of our local kosher mideast grocery stores for some pita. There's one local kosher grocery where they're okay to Barry and very cold to me, but the one he went into today is run by a very sweet guy named Moishe who is lovely to both of us. Apparently when Barry was in there, Moishe gave him a couple of containers of foodstuffs from his mysterious fridge, all things he made himself, for free, to try. One was some small pickled peppers, but the other was truly amazing. They were these spicy pickled lemon slices, and those suckers are like a party in your mouth. They must be cooked a bit because they're very soft, even the peel. They're probably made with a bit of sugar, but I'll let that pass. These things are sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and juicy all at once, and then the hot peppers kick in, just a touch. (I mean, isn't that basically every taste except umami?) They're also deeply lemony because you get to eat the zest, which is perhaps more intensely lemon flavored than the pulp. I dunno, they're just outrageous. Barry was a little scared of them, even after I ate one, but he also thought it was fabulous when he finally tried it.

Perfect food aside, I had a great weekend at Jannah's (it ended up just being me), and even sold some jewelry. Since I got back, I've made some more very nice pieces, but haven't wanted to write at all. The weather's been very hot and sticky, and even though we have a/c, we live on the top (third) floor and it's often not freezing in here (the living room and kitchen are open to each other, so it's an impossible space to cool entirely). Plus, our living room air conditioner seems somewhat ill. It keeps icing up.

Tuesday night we went to see Conan O'Brien at Radio City (the "Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour"). I missed the on-sale and ended up paying stoopid money to one of them-there legal scalpers they have now. (They call them "ticket brokers.") I did get awesome seats, though, and as I had figured, they had a raft of awesome guest stars: Vampire Weekend, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Paul Rudd and Bill Hader (I think I may be forgetting one). And the band was featured prominently, which made Barry happy. But I think the funniest thing was when Andy Richter strolled out singing the Trololo song. (And if you've never seen the Trololo guy before, isn't he trippy?)

My foot got a clean bill of health on Friday, hooray! My feet are happy once again.

Money has suddenly gotten a little tight, so I've had to keep a close rein on my lovely spouse, and I've made quite a few cutbacks myself. I've now cooked dinner six nights running, which is the longest streak in quite a while. After I saw the podiatrist on Friday, I took the Q train one stop to Avenue U, a different part of Avenue U than where I live now -- the part with all the Chinese stores. So I went to my favorite Chinese supermarket and bought a pound of salmon fillet, a pound of red snapper fillet, a pound of jumbo shrimp and a box of tofu -- all for $22. The salmon was poached and cold Friday, the shrimp were sauteed with olive oil, garlic, cumin and hot paprika (thanks, Mark Bittman) last night, and tonight I made falafel from a mix. I made gazpacho with the salmon and tossed salad last night and tonight. We're eating decently well. I feel good in a lot of ways.

Oh, here's a necklace I just made, labradorite on silver, and I hand-made the centerpiece, the clasp, and the hooks on the matching earrings.

Guess what? they've tweaked the interface here and I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO POST A PHOTO. So, no freakin' photo of my new necklace.

bananas, jewelry, epiphany!

I've been stashing about-to-turn bananas in the freezer and today I took three and made banana frozen custard (sugar free). I've probably only made cooked-custard ice cream a couple of times before, and certainly not recently. I may have overcooked the custard a mite, and possibly it needed a touch more Splenda, but it came out pretty well and tasted rich. Also, it scooped soft right out of the freezer; I haven't yet been able to get the hang of a sugar free sorbet or sherbet that scooped soft without some thawing. I might try only three eggs next time. Here's my recipe, adapted from one on the Food Network website by Susan Feniger and Mary Sue Milliken (they used to have a great show called Two Hot Tamales, and now Susan is on Top Chef masters):

FROZEN BANANA CUSTARD (6 servings)
- 2 cups milk (I used 1/2 skim, 1/2 whole)
- 4 large eggs
- 1 cup Splenda (the original recipe calls for a cup of brown sugar, and you might want to add a tablespoon of that or honey to deepen the flavor; or else, maybe an additional tablespoon of Splenda)
- 1 tsp. vanilla
- 3 large, ripe bananas, peeled

In a medium saucepan, bring the milk just to a boil over medium heat. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.

In a mixing bowl, combine the eggs, sweetener(s)and vanilla. Stir 1/2 cup of the warm milk into the egg mixture, then pour all the egg mixture into the pan with the milk. Cook over medium low heat, whisking constantly until the mixture thickens slightly and will coat the back of a spoon. Do not allow to boil.

Mash the bananas in a large bowl, add the warm custard, and blend with an immersion blender until smooth. (Original recipe involves a food processor, but I now use the immersion blender whenever possible, because anything else has to be hauled down from somewhere, and I'm already hauling down the ice cream maker.) Cook the custard to room temperature then process in an ice cream maker according to manufacturers instructions.

***

I use expensive organic health-food-store vanilla because I love vanilla, and I do not truck with artificial vanilla. This recipe would probably work well with a number of different fruits, although I'd have to test or research (= look at other recipes) proportions. Probably also good as chocolate, with some melted baking chocolate or cocoa dissolved in water over heat (the latter is what I use for chocolate sorbet). I would also try just using an extract, vanilla or almond, and throwing in some nuts or bits of fruit. And I imagine that if you make this up to the point of adding the bananas, and instead pour it over some cooked rice and raisins, dusted it with cinnamon and put it in the fridge, you'd have a lovely rice pudding. (I actually still have, and still use, my mother's covered Pyrex casserole that she used for rice pudding. I use it for a lot of stuff; it's one of my favorite pieces of cookware.)

Today, I cleared most of the non-jewelry matter off my jewelry table. What I said to Barry was, "I need space to spread out so I can sort jewelry for this weekend," since I'm going to sell at that crafts fair in Chelsea. But I kind of knew without knowing that it also meant I was going to make or start making some new pieces to really put myself back into the jewelry head. I unpacked some of what I needed to start up again, although I was unable to find my sterling headpins, ear wires, or chain, which pretty much meant I couldn't make any earrings right away. I actually do have some of those items in gold-filled, but sterling is pretty much where I live. I went to eBay and ordered some of that stuff, plus some more sterling wire. I'm being very positive that I'm going to earn some money this weekend. Since I have a skizillion beads of all types, I can pretty much get away with buying nothing but wire and findings for a year. But it never works that way, since I always find new beads to fall in love with and to be inspired by.

I hadn't made anything for a year, easily, but I decided very quickly that I wanted to do some wire-wrap, maybe an endless necklace long enough to slip over the head (I've done a few in mixed pearls, both on sterling and on gold-filled, that were really pretty). I thought about maybe using a string of black keishi pearls I had (these are known as cornflake or potato chip pearls, rough and flat and bumpy, but with a lot of colorful surface, almost like raggedy-ass coin pearls). But then I was looking at a bag of Chinese-made millefiore (in imitation of the Italian ones, which are very expensive). The Chinese ones are actually quite pretty, and a big advantage for me is that I can use them a whole lot more lavishly that I could with real handmade Italian glass beads. (I actually have some of them, too, but they are generally reserved for starring roles in mindblowing earrings.) So I had an adorable strand of mixed-color Chinese millefiore in 6mm rounds, and pulled out a few colors of 6mm Swarovski bicones (and one color of 6mm rounds) that would work them, and started to work. I took what I did tonight and took a shot at scanning it with my new incredibly wonderful Lexmark 2670 3-in-1 (I love this printer so much it's not funny), and this is what I got:



I hope you can see this decently well since I'm still getting acquainted with the scanner and photo-editing software and uploading to Blogger (the image I'm seeing the the preview screen seems to bear no relation size-wise to the image I edited).

I've been designing and making jewelry for about eight years by simply making whatever I feel like, or something that seems basic and/or saleable, or using a new technique I spotted in a bead magazine, but I've always thought that I didn't have a particular style or look to my work, that there wasn't a trademark or something that set my work apart. But it came to me tonight: duh, what about wire-wrapping? I love doing it, I've done tons of it, it tends to be what people admire the most, and some of the more elaborate stuff looks like nothing else I've ever seen (hope this not very good photo shows something):



(This picture is kind of fuzzy if you zoom in, sorry.) What that is is a very simple wire-wrap necklace, like the one I'm working on, of big red jasper beads, but with other beads dangling off the wire loops in between the main beads. The beads that dangle off are mostly tube cuts of leopardskin jasper and ovals of brown/black obsidian and I'm not sure what all else. But I included that picture and a couple of others in an e-mail to some friends to tell them about the sale, and if I can find where that puppy is, since I'm pretty sure it's not sold, it's now spoken for. Such is the power of wire-wrapping. Plus, if I decide to be the queen of wire-wrap, that can include natural stones, pearls, crystal, glass, and pretty much anything else; it can also be necklaces, earrings, bracelets, anklets and rings. Trademark piece would have to be the Y-necklace:



(Sorry about all the crap in the background -- this was just a test of photographing jewelry with the digital camera, some months back.) This piece ought to sell well, since Everyone Loves Amethyst. I must have originally intended to hang dangles between the links, since I put nice big soldered rings there, but I guess I decided that the amethyst was too pretty to gussy up, beyond the Y-connector with the little flower.

So I think that's what I'll do on Saturday: bring only wire-wrap and brand myself that way. I will have business cards by then; a friend turned me on to an excellent deal at Vistaprint).

And in case any of you are in or around NYC, or have a friend here who's dying to buy some jewelry, the sale is is 306 Eighth Avenue (between 25th and 26th Streets), from noon to 7:00 PM. Free to the public, and $10 of the vendor fee proceeds will be donated to Cultivating Our Sisterhood International Association, Inc. (COSIA). "At COSIA, we develop supportive networks that are not limited by age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion; utilize these networks as resources to produce affordable events and programs that promote team-building and the pursuit of personal and professional life goals and objectives; and support through fund-raising and volunteer activities socially-conscious initiatives and programs that benefit girls and women from underserved communities."

sorbet

I made sorbet today, for the first time in quite a while. And basically sugar-free, except for about 1/2 tsp. of honey that I almost always use with fruit sorbets just to give the flavor a little kick. I made mango-passionfruit, which is pretty much Barry's flat-out favorite, sugar or not. (My three favorites are probably that one, pear-ginger, and mandarin chocolate.) It used to be tough to hunt down passionfruit, but now our splendid Orthodox greengrocer, Ouri's, almost always has it.

I recently bought myself an immersion blender, thinking to use it to puree soups like butternut squash and split pea (though soup season, at least hot soup season, seems to be drawing to a close). But it occurred to me today that I could try it on the sorbet mix, instead of schlepping down my regular blender (in a small NYC kitchen, except for the coffee maker and can opener, most appliances are stored away until needed, since counter space is so limited). This kind of blender is stick shaped and you just plug it in and put it into a pot or bowl. So I put my ingredients (cubed mango, strained passionfruit, Splenda, honey, water, lemon zest, lemon juice, and vanilla) into a mixing bowl, and used the immersion blender, and it worked like a charm! Since the sorbet thing already necessitates schlepping out one appliance (the ice cream maker), it's great not have to also use the regular blender. Plus the immersion blender cleans up by rinsing under warm water, much easier than washing a big blender canister.

Speaking of lemon zest...I made some nice cold poached wild salmon the other night, with a little sauce made from low-fat mayo seasoned mostly with fresh dill, dried mustard, and a bit of dried chipotle. At the last minute, I threw on some lemon zest, since I watch Top Chef a lot and thought it would add something nice. I think it actually made all the difference, since the zest is very aromatic and the whole thing was far preferable to drowning the fish in lemon juice, which is often done by some people I'm married to. It made it lemony without extra wetness interfering with the thick sauce. I only own a lemon zester since I use zest for most fruit sorbets, but it's really worthwhile, since it's really hard to cut zest properly with a knife (unless you're a Top Chef-level chef and have an awesome range of what they always call "knife skills"). I served the fish with a salad of arugola, baby spinach, cherry tomatoes and Italian olives, with a Bragg sesame ginger dressing (Bragg is a health-food-store brand).

Citrus zest is where all of the aromatic oils are, but the white pith under it is bitter, so you can't cut too deep. A zester gives you a superfine julienne of zest with no pith. I wouldn't own with if I didn't make sorbet (see = Jenn's cherry pitter), but it's not a bad thing so have if you make fish a lot, or anything with fruit (maybe a little lemon zest in apple pie?) or anything that's complemented well by a hit of citrus. (I seem to recall my brother's wife once making a sauce or dressing for asparagus which involved orange zest. Yummy.)

I'm not even sure where to buy one any more. Mine probably came from Lechter's, the housewares chain that went belly-up several years back. They were *everywhere* -- the first time I ever met Barry's parents was when we ran into them at the Lechter's on Kings Highway. (I was staying at Barry's a lot already, maybe a month or two after we met, and he was with me as I shopped for a few things his kitchen lacked.) It's hard to find a housewares store like that anymore (basically, tabletop and kitchen goods). But if you want to get one, I'd try eBay first. (That's my battle cry, "try eBay first": my immersion blender came from there, and I am awaiting a nonstick covered skillet and a new 3-in-1 printer for my computer, all from eBay.)

So tonight is chicken cutlets, on top of the stove since our oven isn't working, and I'll probably wilt the rest of the arugola and spinach with some garlic and olive oil, and cook some baby carrots (not the best veg in terms of blood sugar impact, but Barry will eat them.) And sorbet.

Betty White & doctors (mine, not hers)

I am stupidly excited about seeing Betty White host SNL on May 8. I didn't watch The Golden Girls, but just from The Mary Tyler Moore Show and the movie Lake Placid, I absolutely adore her. And I'm not the only one: there is an adorable fan video that captures many of her memorable lines, and even has some images of an extremely lovely young Betty. For those who first encountered her on MTM or Golden Girls, her extreme naughtiness was a shock simply because of her age. For me, it goes back farther, because I remember her first as the wife of Allen Ludden, the host of the game show Password, who was at the time considered a kind of uber-square, and I always thought of her as Mrs. Uber-Square. This is why my favorite Betty White line is from Lake Placid: "This is where, if I had a dick, I would tell you to suck it." Lake Placid is a pretty funny movie; although the leads, Jeff Daniels and Bridget Fonda, and kind of bland, both Betty and Oliver Platt (love him) play pretty off-kilter and funny characters.

Doctors: I saw two of them today, my GYN and my general doctor. Exhausting but I'm glad I did it. I have to do all kinds of follow-up stuff re: the GYN: mammogram, breast sonogram, vaginal sonogram, bone density test, and a consult session at her practice about my stress incontinence, which may lead to a referral to another doctor. Also got three prescriptions from her. Even though this is only the second time I've seen her, and the last time was (yikes) three years ago, I adore her. She's efficient, friendly, clear, and non-judgmental. My general doctor was pleased with my weight loss, still not happy with my pressure (he upped one med), needs bloods, answered questions, finished my Hep B vaccination and maybe there was more, I don't remember, but I have to do blood tests for him and go back in another couple of weeks for a pressure check (at which point he will decide on a new cholesterol med for me and let me know how the blood test results). So things are turning around, I'm turning around, and the healthier eating is not so difficult and is really paying off.

chicken soup

We discovered yesterday that our oven isn't working. When the electronic ignition stopped working on the stove burners over time, we could light them with matches, but it now seems to have stopped working on the oven as well, but there's no way to hand-light it that either of us could see. And since I'm really trying to cook most or all of our dinners, for health & economy reasons, this is a big drag. We have to go to the landlord about it since, unlike the fridge, we don't own it, and it wasn't new when we moved in here five or so years ago. It would be fine to have it fixed, better to have it replaced, and best of all if it doesn't cost us anything, including grief from the landlord. He's a good guy, but can be fussy, and we went through this recently with him when we had a bad U-pipe under our bathroom sink that was leaking *and* clogged. Landlord had a plumber come after he;d looked at it himself, and we didn't have to pay, but we got an earful about tidiness and the last few lingering cartons from our move. Barry dislikes this as much as I do, so he's going to wait a few days and let the landlord know just a day or two before he comes to get the rent, which means one landlord visit, not two.

So I've been planning meals that don't require the oven. Since Barry wasn't feeling well today, and the weather was a bit raw, I figured chicken soup would do it. (Tomorrow will be poached salmon and spinach salad.) I went to the kosher butcher next store to Ouri's (the amazing produce store), where I'd seen chicken necks the other day. They didn't have them today, but they had hefty packages of what they called "chicken bones," so I bought two for about three bucks. I was amazed when I opened them: the two packages yielded the bones from five chickens, everything but the legs and breast cutlets, still intact, next to that little bumpy thing at the butt. (Does it have a name, that weird little fatty thing?)

I am usually a kitchen-sink variety soup maker -- that is, I simmer some kind of bones for a couple of hours, take them out and throw in some sorts of vegetables, and cook it some more. Usually any soup I make turns out to be vegetable soup, and is rarely the same twice. When it comes to soup, I'm not about recipes -- except the time I made, it was either lentil or split pea soup, I can't remember which, but it was my stepfather's favorite soup. He bitched and bitched about the smell of the ham bone wafting around the apartment. I know, real nice.

But I really wanted to do a very classic type of chicken soup. I had read recently that a lot of cooks roast bones before simmering them for soup, to get a deeper flavor. Since I have no oven, I browned up the chicken bones with a touch of canola oil, put them in the soup pot with some boiling water, and used a bit more boiling water to deglaze the browning pan. Then I threw in a little kosher salt and black pepper, half a big onion (cut into but not apart), and two smashed (but not cut up) cloves of garlic, and let it go for two hours. Then I strained it and added a couple of handfuls of barley, some sliced carrots, and some fresh dill, and simmered it until the barley was done, maybe 40 minutes more. (I only put in the barley because Barry doesn't cope well with no starch at a meal. I can sympathize -- I used to think I didn't feel full w/o serious carbs.)

The whole house smelled like chicken soup. It was heavenly. He ate two bowls and I ate a bowl and a half. The best part was that I've started testing my blood sugar again, and my postprandial (two hours after starting to eat the meal) reading was 95, first one I've had under 100 this week. I started to get a little more serious about my eating last week, and I'm checking myself by monitoring my weight and blood sugar. The first reading I took in many months was scary-high, around 250, but I've been getting it down day by day.

I'm also proud of myself for not giving in to the urge to make kneidlach (matzoh balls) with the soup. They're homey and traditional for real "Jewish penicillin," but the truth is, they're mostly white flour, not as acceptable to me as a little bit of barley.

But I just don't know what the fuck to do about my husband's eating, since he just heated up a slice of pizza from the freezer, I guess for the 10:45 PM snack. At least I stopped him from eating the second sugar-sweetened yogurt. He often thinks that if something is relative low fat or low calorie, like a Frozefruit, for instance, that this means he can eat two or three at once. I want to knock my head against the wall sometimes. He isn't diabetic (yet) but he's maybe 30 pounds overweight, dead set against ever exercising in his lifetime, and at 58, his health is not going to correct itself. I hate to bitch about him because he is extremely wonderful, but he's also one of these people who thinks he can do exactly as he pleases, and then get the doctor to fix it with a pill. I do get a little bit of mileage out of prohibiting certain foods from the house because they are bad for me and too tempting, so there's no ice cream or cookies or pastry around here. He will usually buy himself a couple of Frozefruits or some sherbet, which does have sugar but isn't hard for me to pass up. Lately, I've been keeping the place very well-stocked with fruit -- he likes oranges and bananas. But at times he will eat those in *addition* to the white-sugar desserts. If I don't make him feel a little guilty, he will graze all night between dinner and bed: crackers, peanut butter (not natural, of course), dry breakfast cereal, and on and on. I occasionally pull out the line, "You know, dessert is only one course." Every so often I get into the you're-killing-yourself-and-I'll-be-all-alone thing, which is more about me being unhappy than trying to guilt him...and although it makes him unhappy, nothing changes.

Last weekend, 10 days ago or so, I had a very down weekend, and woke up Monday morning thinking, "these shitty pills are doing nothing," and stopped taking my venlafaxine and depakote cold. Not smart, I know, and the venlafaxine withdrawal was awful for the first couple of days. Chills, sweats, and brain zaps. I did join a website for discussions for psychiatric meds, which was very helpful and I got some good support. I did also call my general doctor and got a referral to a new psychiatrist, since I'd had some concerns about the one I'd been seeing for a while (he's the only one I'd ever seen, and had been treating me since 1997). I saw the new doctor on Sunday, and am very pleased with him. Apart from being two blocks away from me and having Sunday hours, he listened, he talked, and he diagnosed me instead of my having to do it myself. He said he thought I was *not* Bipolar II but did have a mood disorder, and prescribed the generic of Lamictal (I haven't learned the long name yet -- hell, I was just getting the hang of "venlafaxine"). He also gave me lorazapam for panic attacks instead of clonazapam, explaining that this was not really the best way to use clonazepam and lorazapam was more appropiate for this. (Not only did the old doctor never tell me this, but he pretty much let me decide to use it. That is, we had some at home prescribed for my husband, and I started to take them when I got anxious, and when I told this to the old doctor, he said, "OK, I'll write you your own prescription." This may sound dumb but I was kind of appalled that he didn't say anything to me about taking another person's prescription meds.

I've been on the new meds only two days now, but I can tell you this: I found out yesterday that I have exhausted all of my unemployment benefits, all 99 weeks, and I didn't lose my mind over it. I'm seeing the new doctor again two weeks from this coming Sunday for a followup (he only has Sunday hours at this office). And tomorrow I'm doing a double-header: GYN and regular doctor in one day. (They're right down the block from each other.)

I'm definitely thinking about what to do now that my unemployment insurance is tapped out. I may try to find something part-time nearby, or do a long-term temp assignment (I'm thinking about something like a month or less to start). Although I'd lost the electronic version my my resume, and couldn't put my hands on a hard copy, my friend Lily, bless her heart, still had a couple of versions in her e-mail from when I'd asked her to take a look at it. And hopefully the new printer will arrive within a week. The old printer almost never worked properly, paper wouldn't feed right. HP. I'd had one once before, and the problem wasn't with the machine but with the customer service. My hard drive crashed, I couldn't find the disc, and although the HP website had a lot of drivers for free download, they didn't have one for mine, since it was about two years old and I guess they'd much rather have you buy a new one. No help at all. I ended up having to get it at some weird bootleg drivers website. No more HP for me. New new one coming is a lightly used Lexmark 3-in-1: printer, fax, and scanner. $39 on eBay.

Also coming from eBay: a big covered nonstick skillet ($31), and an immersion blender ($17).